So I want to encourage the woman who this is happening to, to just follow your true self. Just be your authentic self because there’s nothing sexier or more beautiful than that. You can be younger and a fake…I much prefer talking with [or] being friends with the person who’s older and themselves.
- Carol Leifer, comedian
The topic of discovering you are lesbian at age 40 or older is a hot one, in the media and in the press.Â It is really not known how common this phenomenon of ‘coming out later in life’ is, but, it definitely touches a nerve, especially in the lesbian community.
This morning I was catching up on some email and I came across a great article on the comedian Carol Leifer, whose story of coming out at midlife is now spreading across the country.Â Â She’s even written a book about her experience, called “When You Lie About Your Age, The Terrorists Win”.
It is really not known how common this phenomenon is, but, it definitely touches a nerve, especially in the lesbian community.
Now, certainly Leifer’s story is unusual in that she’s famous (actually, I hadn’t heard of her until her life story has become more visible).Â Â And, she admits it’s easier for her living in Los Angeles, where there is a higher percentage of gays and lesbians than many areas of the country.
However, it turned out that Leifer wasn’t just ‘experimenting’.Â At first she admits she was looking for a ‘sexual’ fling, but here it is 13 years later and she’s been a relationship with the first woman she met (and fell in love with) since then.
I thought it might be interesting to discuss, here on the blog, her story, as it relates to yours.Â Did you come out ‘later in life’, like Carol?Â If you did, how did it go (or, how is it going) for you?Â What were/are your biggest challenges?
Did/do you encounter frustration from lesbians you date as you ‘figure it all out’?Â How is your family handling your ‘mid-course change’?
What differences, if any, do you experience, between being with a man and being with a woman in a love or dating relationship?
Fascinating subject, isn’t it?
Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW, Certified Singles Coach, is Coach Sappho: Americaâ€™s Favorite Lesbian Love Coach.Â Be sure to stop by Coach Sapphoâ€™s website today, take Coach Sapphoâ€™s â€˜Luscious Lesbian Living and Loving Quizâ€™ and call Barb to set up a complimentary phone call to get the most out of your results.
Â©2009, Barb Elgin.Â All Rights Reserved
Disclaimer: The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.