Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW, Certified Singles Coach
Wow – the phrase itself is often scary to us  – decision-making – especially when it comes to the bigger decisions of life, such as ‘who to marry’ and ‘where to live’.

However, your ability to function well when it comes to this important life and love skill is absolutely critical to the ultimate quality of your life.  And, while there is usually no such thing as a ‘perfect’ or ‘risk free’ decision, and there are always ‘unintended positive and negative results of most decisions’, you can learn to make decisions that are more in alignment with who you are and what you need, require and want.  In fact, when you can ‘balance’ your decisions keeping these three issues in mind, chances are you can make decisions for you that are smart and, that give you a satisfactory result.

The bottom line to remember when it comes to decision making is this: (more…)

With the approach of fall, Coach Sappho has turned over HER new leaf and is launching a brand new podcast!

I’ve been considering a fresh approach for Coach Sappho’s ‘radio presense’ for several months now and decided to invite Reverend Donna Tara Lee, a colleague and friend I met after moving here to Florida, to create a new internet radio show.

Donna accepted my invitation and, I am happy to report we are ready to bring our new podcast to you, starting this coming Tuesday night, August 25, 2009 at 6:30pm ET.

Our new show is called

GLBT TALK WITH BARB AND DONNA

Donna and I are excited to bring to you a show that will ‘inform, enlighten and entertain’ listeners on all things GLBT!

The show will last 30 minutes at 6:30pm ET on the 2nd and 4th Tuesday of every month and you can listen in LIVE via the internet FOR FREE by signing up now:

During this Tuesday night’s show we’ll be introducing listeners to who we are and what we envision for the show.  The show is recorded and is live, so if you want to call in and ask a question or send us your well wishes we’d love it!  Also – the show’s page on has a chat room which you can participate in as well, during the show!

Why should you listen? Because more in our community need to tune into the ‘older’, ‘wiser’ GLBT experience.  More than ever, in today’s media and the internet in general, there is more fluff and less substance.  And, there is also the usual over focus on youth and the younger experience.  In today’s world it’s easy putting up a blog or show, but what is the quality of that blog or show?

This means that, more than ever before, YOU need to become a more discerning listener. Why do I think this important? When you get what you believe from sources who are just passing on the rumors, irrational fears and unchecked facts of others, we get further away from moving forward on important issues, like marriage equality and health care reform.

Instead of us moving towards solutions (with or without consensus, because, sometimes, as history shows, moving forward without consensus is important too), people just become more confused and feelings become inflamed or escalated.

I believe the seasoned, rich wisdom experts 40 and over offer our community is being drowned out and is mostly untapped.  I define ‘expert’ as those who have spent a significant part of their lifetimes – at least 10 years or more – being active in their field or industry and/or in their GLBT cause  – versus those ‘Johnny and Joany’s come lately’ who are young and green!

As you know I’m a relationship and dating expert with over 20 years experience as a coach and as a licensed psychotherapist.  And, you know what a passionate advocate I am for the success of single lesbians, lesbian relationships, marriage equality and GLBT rights in general.  I began my volunteerism in the late 1970′s at a gay switchboard and haven’t slowed down since.  If you want to learn more about my decades of service to the GLBT community, click here.

Reverend Lee attended Woodstock (Yes, she was there in 1969!) and was a part of the Stonewall movement!  And, Donna continues to be deeply involved in political, social and spiritual causes.  In addition to being an active member of the Democratic Caucus here in Floriday, she’s gone through sexual reassignment surgery and she has an amazing story to tell of how her life has been transformed as she ‘created the body she feels normal and natural in’.

We look forward to meeting you on GLBT Talk with Barb and Donna:

Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW, Certified Singles Coach, is Coach Sappho: America’s Favorite Lesbian Love Coach.  Be sure to stop by www.coachsappho.com, pick up your FREE gifts as well as to learn about our exciting new singles club for lesbians and our community for lesbian couples.

© Copyright 2009, Barb Elgin.  All Rights Reserved.  Feel free to forward this article as long as attribution remains intact.

Disclaimer: The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.

Tags: gay dating, gay relationship advice, lesbian dating, lesbian dating advice, lesbian relationship advice, life coach for lesbians, online dating tips for lesbians

When it comes to today’s world, and especially the ‘internet world’, all of us are awash in a sea of information, aren’t we?  The same is definitely true when it comes to online dating and matchmaking.  And, as in all things in this life, there are some pros and cons to this state of affairs.

On the positive side, I look at today’s online environment for singles as a banquet or feast.  In addition to the ability to reach out and search practically anywhere in the world to find other women, the addition of testing to online search sites gives us some really cool ‘systems’ and ‘theories’, if you will, that we can dive into, learn, take their tests and determine things like ‘your type’ and ‘those who might be attracted to or, complementary to, you’.

Then – on the negative or, ‘realistically optimistic’ side, or devil’s advocate position – think of the feeling you get when you’ve eaten (or drank) too much!  I don’t know about you, but its’ easy to become ‘overwhelmed’ by all of the ‘newfangled’ theories and methods available about love and dating on the internet today.

The good news is that there is significant power and resources being put behind the ‘problem’ of ‘finding a date, soul mate or life partner’.  There are several big time corporations now organized and powerful enough to do large scale research and development, beyond what your typical university or professor can do, and, for the most part, the results (and benefits to you) are worth considering.

One example of a ‘cutting edge’, research-based ‘compatibility’ system added on to your basic online dating is the Chemistry.com system.  I might be somewhat positively-biased on this one because I know Helen Fisher, the anthropologist who created the heart of their ‘personality typing’ and ‘matching’ system.

Helen’s system is based on her love: evolution and biology.  (more…)

I was a shy child.  Yes, it’s true.  If you don’t believe me, ask my classmates and friends from childhood.  And, I’m still not (and will never be) a total extrovert.  But I’m also living proof one can overcome and/or manage the type of shyness and, frankly wimpy-ness, that holds us back from the bigger opportunities and joys of life.

Why was I a shy (and maybe wimpy) child? Perhaps some of it is inborn.  But I think most of my shyness developed out of occurrences such as feeling different from others (the whole gay thing), being a girl (socialized to ‘be nice’ and ‘not have my own mind’) as well as a lack of understanding and support from authority figures such as parents and teachers and, perhaps even bullying from others who may have been just as shy as me, but compensated in that way to overcome their shyness.

I was sitting in the hairdressers yesterday waiting to have my hair cut and I came across an article on shyness, in, of all magazines, Ladies Home Journal (okay, hold your jokes!).  So, between running across this article and, having my fair share of discussions with clients recently on this very topic, particularly as it relates to lesbian dating and relationships and career advancement I thought I’d post about shyness.

(more…)

I have been reflecting on the senseless LA Fitness shootings in a suburb of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania this week.  The murders and suicide were committed by a 48 year old single man by the name of George Sodini, who had apparently become so isolated and enraged about not ‘having a life’, including a wife, that he decided to express that rage towards innocent women and then, himself.

Could these murders have been prevented?

I just saw on the Today Show that the three victims who died were my peers, including  a 49 year old wife and a single mom in her late 30′s.  I can’t begin to imagine how the families of the victims feel this morning.  There are also several wounded women whose lives are altered forever.

The tragedy got me to thinking,

If we are so bright and so clever we committed to ‘doing what it took’, taking the millions of small steps, energy, sweat and frustration needed to walk on the moon, why aren’t we preventing tragedies like George Sodini?

What do you think?

I know it’s no accident that we reward certain achievements in our society.  We know in fact that the market rewards some pretty obscene things as well, and, we accept it.  (more…)

We’re still taking registrations until about 6p ET tonight for a one hour tele-seminar that will ‘knock your socks off’.  And, the even better news is this:  you can register NOW for only $5!:

This fall, you can turn over a new leaf…

• Tired of the way your life is going?
• Wish your life was more about you?
• Have a goal you want to achieve?
• Trying to survive in today’s economy?
• ‘Got it all’, but feel like something is missing or ‘amiss’ in your life?
• Ready to put what you learned in Attract Mz. Right to work for you?

If one or more of the above is true for you, NOW is the time to do something about it. Here’s all you need to get started…

Coach Sappho’s ’5 Steps to an Amazing Life’ Tele-Seminar

Wednesday, August 5, 2009 – 7p ET

Doesn’t it seem that the challenges of living and loving in today’s world are more interesting than ever? Today’s world is fast-paced, and, frankly, chaotic in ways that threaten your happiness and prosperity.  Unless, that is: you figure out for yourself: how do I want to live and, how can I support the life I envision for myself?

Back in the wild, wild west, the lone ranger had her ‘hey day’.  In today’s world, being a lone ranger doesn’t work.  You need support for staying true to your vision, your goals and YOUR success.

And, as lesbian women, our challenges, given all of the above, are additionally complex.  We don’t live in ‘closeted’ world anymore, and we can live and love as openly as we want today.  However, letting go of old ways of thinking and being are difficult.  And, while today’s world is more tolerant of who we are, because we are challenging the ‘status quo’ on many fronts, we must be ready for any and all responses to us as we are being who we truly are.

Enter a helpful, supportive, tele-seminar, led by Coach Sappho…

Our teleseminars, led by a Coach Sappho coach, are transformative experiences.  Our founder, Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW, created Coach Sappho and all of it’s many resources, with today’s lesbian woman in mind.  We’ve been in business serving lesbians since 2001 and, we’ve touched the lives of lesbians in over 45 states and 15 countries.

This seminar is well worth time spending on YOU…

’5 Secrets to an Amazing Life’ is a powerful, one hour program created to support and inspire you in living YOUR most amazing life, however you define it!  In the process of joining Barb for this one hour, you will discover new ideas for creating your most amazing life…starting right away!

You can’t afford not to give yourself the gift of this experience. 

Why not start the fall and ‘change of seasons’ on a positive note?

HERE’S THE LOGISTICS: During this one hour call, you will learn 5 cool secrets to experiencing more of what you want in your life.

And, here’s the BONUS: If you begin to use these secrets in your life right away, you will notice positive changes, right away!

Also: You will learn these important tips from the comfort, privacy and convenience of your phone and/or internet connection.  And, if for some reason you don’t make the live call, don’t worry – all registrants will receive a complimentary streaming and mp3 copy of the call to listen to again and again.

BEST OF ALL – You get all of the above for only $5!

5 Secrets to an Amazing Life Tele-seminar:

Sign up NOW:

Wednesday, August 5, 2009 – 7p ET