When we know that the cause of something is in ourselves, and that we (ourselves) are one of the few things in the universe that we have the right and ability to change, we begin to get a sense of the choices we really do have, an inkling of the power we have, a feeling of being in charge… of our lives, of our future, of our dreams.
– John-Roger and Peter McWilliams

TODAY’S ISSUE

I.  Who’s in Charge?  When “Right” is Wrong

II.  The Power of Conscious Choice

III.  Secrets to Serenity – Just Be Patient!

IV. Life Has a Way of Working Out..Don’t Ever Give Up on it! – Karin Goldberg, Coach Sappho’s ‘Creating a Life I Love’ Club “Uncommon Courage” interview 2/24/05

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I.  Who’s in Charge?  When “Right” is Wrong

Happy Saturday to you!  Are you ‘living a life you love’?  I’m that little birdie that keeps pestering, no?  Well, I just can’t stop myself (I’ve given up trying!)   :-).  I’ve been enjoying the last few hours with my parents, their pup Rosie, as well as several other Baltimore friends, who have blessed me with their loving presence this past month.  In fact, perhaps the ‘party’ isn’t over yet – a major snow storm appears to be bearing down on the northeast and may delay their leaving.  Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

As I write to you today, my heart is focused on helping you re-connect with your innate, goddess-given power.  Do you believe in your right to be – as the most loving and yet powerful person you can be?  Do you really ‘get’ that you have more power to create the life you desire than you’ve perhaps previously believed?  And, that you can claim that life without running over others?

As a lesbian and a woman, chances are that you have held back much of who you are.  And, if you’ve had the ‘light bulb’ go on, you know what I’m talking about.  You know the price you’ve paid.  All of us, to some degree, feel we don’t deserve to ‘be’ because others have told us who we are is wrong/is merely a behavior we could change, if only we would “act right.”  And, chances are these are the very people who don’t believe they deserve to be who they truly are either and thus need to corner the market on “goodness” by “stealing it” from others.

II.  The Power of Conscious Choice

There is a mysterious, unseen power within us; a power underlying all of life.  Despite the degree to which scientists have been able to observe smaller and smaller units of physical reality, we still don’t know what is behind this power and whatever it is about us that directs this power.  I see this ‘power’, whatever it is, as the wellspring from which all of life comes or arises from.

And, whether we are aware of it or not – we are constantly given the choice how we are going to use or express this power.  Each moment of our lives presents us with a choice.  Our awareness of what options we have is limited by our overall awareness or evolution as an individual soul or energy source.

For example, one choice we must make each minute is “What is the most helpful action and/or thought I can choose right now?”  This is a conscious way of stepping out of whatever situation you are in at that moment and seeing the bigger picture.  It is a more ‘evolved’ way of handling your life than reacting and or responding in a habitual way to what is going on inside you (and around you).

Here’s an example of what I mean: I have become quite jaded about Christianity and most people who chose to practice this faith.  It comes from many past negative experiences I’ve had (attending catholic and fundamentalist churches) including personal interactions with some of the christians I know.  In fact, I pretty much don’t respect this spiritual “denomination” at all right now.

My reaction has become a way to protect my spirit.  In some ways it is “much needed” as I have tended, in the past, to “go along to not make waves” by attending christian churches when asked or during family gatherings and not speaking up when people, using the mantle of christianity, put me down by saying the bible is against gays, jesus doesn’t like gays, “I love you the sinner but not your sin/behavior” etc.

So, in this way perhaps I am healing myself by standing up for how I truly feel and believe.  But what if I am “throwing the baby out with the bath water?”  Afterall, there are christian denominations and christians that I know (like my aunt and sister) who accept me for who I am and don’t actively disrespect me or discriminate against me.  The most “evolved’ way for me to look at all of this is being able to accept what I disagree with without denying myself. To step back and welcome in those aspects that do provide me with support along with rejecting, clearly, those aspects that do not.

III.  Secrets to Serenity – Just Be Patient!

Another choice we must make in living the great life is evaluating possible responses to a situation by determining where you fall on the, what I call ‘serenity’ continuum:

“I have complete control in this situation” versus “I don’t have any control in this situation.”

Actually it’s not either/or.  It’s accurately assessing where you fall, in between these two extremes, and taking concerted action as a result.  You will more than likely be less successful the more you believe either of these two extremes.  And, sometimes we fall prey to inaccurately assessing where we fall on that continuum.  So, get some outside feedback before you take action.  Use trusted sources.  Get more than one opinion.

How much faith do you have in yourself and your ability to handle whatever happens in your life?  Again, before being able to evolve or let go of past patterns, we can be helped by understanding how they came to be.  As women, suffice it to say that many of us have learned to sit by on the sidelines while the parade of life goes by.  And, a few of us have been taught, unfortunately, to trash or crash the parade.

What both of these examples have in common is this:  being taught to fear power or to mis-use it.  Many of us have lacked the consistent encouragement we’ve needed at crucial developmental stages to be as powerful and confident as we could be.  But, it’s never too late.  We know, from research, that the mind (or psyche) continues to grow and develop beyond adolescence.  There is a whole new field of study devoted to the topic of adult psychological development.  And, many wise folks from earlier times intuited that we are in many ways, only beginning to live after about age 35 or 40.

Yes, there are more ‘primitive’ aspects of who we are.  Mentally – we do have a part of the brain called the limbic system.  This is a part of ourselves that has it’s place – particularly in survival-based, physically dangerous situations.  But if we choose to approach every situation in our lives with the same, fear-based response, we will find our experience of life limiting.  This is especially important to keep in mind as sexual and gender minorities.  We can get “caught up” in a paranoia or a “kindling” of fears and emotions that can rob us of a high quality of life.

Don’t forget that our minds are also composed of a more recently added layer called the cerebral (or neo) cortex, which governs rational thought. Being able to rationalize is too, a “double-edged” sword.  You will function best when your mental state is balanced – meaning that you avoid extremes, emotionally and rationally and between emoting and thinking.  Does this make sense?

So, if you are under age 40, hang in there, live long enough and get “steeped” in life’s wisdom!  And, if you are over 40, congratulations! This is a time of greater possibility for you if you choose to do something about all you’ve learned those first 40 years you’ve spent on the planet!

IV. Life Has a Way of Working Out..Don’t Ever Give Up on it! – Karin Goldberg, Coach Sappho’s ‘Creating a Life I Love’ Club “Uncommon Courage” interview 2/24/05

Speaking of serenity and the power of conscious choice, Thursday night, I had the rare privilege of spending an hour interviewing a remarkable woman by the name of Karin Goldberg.  Karin’s life journey is a testament to what can happen when someone risks being his or her best self.

I really enjoyed interviewing her and I think you will find our discussion fascinating.  She shared the secrets to finding treatment that worked for her and how she transitioned from her life as a heterosexually married woman to an authentic, living lesbian!

The entire, one hour interview is available now to ‘Creating a Life You Love’ Club members.  If you’re a member, just ‘log in’ and enter your user identification and password and click on the link on the left hand side that says “Uncommon Courage Tele-Discussions.”

By the way, Karin is a member of the club.  And, we can’t for the arrival of her new book, “Talking a Blue Streak.”  Stay tuned for a Coach Sappho announcement when the book becomes available.

Have a fantastic week!

Barb

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Copyright  2001-2005, BE A Success Enterprises, LLC, all rights reserved. Please note: Coaches “inspire individuals or teams to produce a desired result through personalized education, teaching or training; expanding awareness and designing environments” (Coachville). Coaching is not psychotherapy or counseling, is not for crises or emergencies and shouldn’t replace professional assessment and intervention for psychological, medical, legal or financial concerns.

Focus on What You Love

Happy Saturday to you!  Hope you are having a week you love and, if not, I can help so give me a call or email.  Just remember: life is what we make it!

As I and a client were discussing earlier today…

“whatever you focus on expands – if you focus on what you can’t do (or if you dwell on what others aren’t giving you), you will get more of that – others not giving you what you want.  Instead, focus on what really gets you up in the morning, on your greatest passion and/or what you do well and, can do something about.  When you do, magic happens.  Chances are your life circumstances will improve and thus it will be easlier to love what’s going on, and, when things aren’t going so swimmingly, you will have the strength and the perspective to make sense of it all, in a grander, “what’s the higher purpose/message/opportunity in this for me” kind of way.

Do you have a personal or career-related story related to personal empowerment that you would be willing to share?

Just remember:  YOU DO COUNT! You can help others re-connect with their own personal power.  Maybe you can’t help those who, at present, are ‘lost’/'know not what they do’ – the ones who feel so weak and unsure of themselves that they believe the only way they can be happy is to dominate or steal the freedom, power and happiness of others.  But you can strengthen and protect yourself.  And, you can help others who understand but are struggling to stay strong.  There are so many out there who might benefit from the wisdom you’ve gained, or what you’ve learned about facing the challenges of living.  No story is too small, or unimportant.

Upcoming Club Events

We have one remaining tele-group meeting time coming up next Wednesday, February 23, 2005.  Our discussion will to focus on emotional wellness and the power of the mind.  If you’ve missed earlier sessions, no big deal.  You don’t have to attend every week to benefit or participate!

Coach Sappho’s ‘Call to Action’ Corner – Did you know that…

I’m starting a new section of ‘A Dose of Sapphic Wisdom’ called ‘Coach Sappho’s Call to Action Corner’ to inspire you to consider taking actions to empower yourself.  And, I am always looking for suggestions to share with our community in future issues of this ezine, so if you have ideas you’d like me to pass on, let me know.  I do my best to ascertain if the information I share is accurate, but remember, ultimately it is your decision whether to take action, what actions to take and your responsibiliity for the outcome(s) of any actions you take.

Today, I thought I’d let you know about something serious that is apparently happening within the health services branch of the federal U.S. government.  As you know, these federal departments and their policies can and do eventually impact us at the local level.  My suggestion is to think about what I’m about to share and decide if there is anything you can do, with the overriding purpose of:

Empowering yourself and/or the greater GLBT community

For example, isn’t it nice to know we have groups such as PFLAG keeping an eye on the powers that be?  PFLAG cares a great deal about our GLBT youth.  They need support to continue doing so.  Imagine the young lives they are saving.  Perhaps you can do something to support their work.  Okay, so here is the scoop:

I belong to a PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) group in my community.  The leader of the group forwarded me a letter the executive director of PFLAG in Washington, D.C. sent to President Bush and the Secretary of Health just yesterday.  Here it is:

Text of letter sent to President Bush and Secretary of Health Leavitt

Hon. George W. Bush, US President
Hon. Michael Leavitt, US Secretary of Health and Human Services

February 16th, 2005

Mr President, Mr. Secretary:

We at PFLAG must comment on the recent threat by the Substance Abuse and
Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) that a workshop on suicide
prevention drop the words “gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender” from it’s
title or lose federal funding.

This is yet another example of a disturbing pattern by the current
administration to erase any reference to our family members and friends from
official United States research and discourse. Mounting evidence
demonstrates that deceit and ideologically driven policy prevail at the
highest levels of the federal government.

Multiple studies, including one by the U.S. Department of Health and Human
Services, consistently show that the suicide risk factor for young gay,
lesbian, bisexual and transgender (GLBT) Americans is three times greater
than for their peers. The hostile environment experienced by GLBT youth is
the main contributor to the high level of attempted and completed suicide
among this group of young people.

This administration acts with increasing irresponsibility toward populations
they view as inconvenient and troublesome. As families and friends of the
GLBT community, we have suffered through your legislative attempts to
marginalize loved ones; we will not allow you to also put their lives in
danger by leaving them out of suicide prevention efforts.

Sincerely,

Ron Schlittler
Interim Executive Director
PFLAG National

Empower Yourself Today

Okay, that’s it for today, I hope I’ve given you something juicy to think about.  And DO something about!

Barb